It’s Not You….It’s Me

blog Nov 21, 2018

Our family NAILS vacation time.  We go with the flow, laugh, relax, do spontaneous stuff, snuggle a lot, and just plain enjoy each others company.  We ROCK at vacations.

However, at home, it is NOT the same.  At all. And I can’t blame them, either.  I realized that I am a major part of this problem.  Yikes. Sometimes self reflection really sucks.

Jeff, Grace and I just got home from a FABULOUS weekend away at my sister’s wedding.  The entire trip was amazing. We all had a great time, got along beautifully, laughed, danced, celebrated…..we were seriously a freaking Hallmark movie!

 

We had a 5 ½ hour car ride home that was even delightful (and that is saying something).

And then we pulled into the garage.  In a matter of seconds, I was irritable and cranky.  I caught myself getting so dang frustrated at my husband because I felt like he wasn’t doing enough.  Grace was driving me nuts. This is the EXACT same man that just bent over backwards all weekend to do ALL the things so I could have a great time.  Grace was the exact same kid that mere moments before had me laughing so hard I think I peed my pants a little bit. What the heck was my problem????

We got through the afternoon…..did all the post-trip stuff..unpacked car, picked up dog, 3 loads of laundry, grocery store, cooked dinner…..all the crap.  By the time bedtime hit, I was flat out PISSED.

I felt my inner bitch fighting to come out…and it was winning.  I did NOT want this!

I took a minute to reflect on the day to try and pinpoint what exactly happened to set me off. And you know what the answer was.  NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! The sheer act of getting home and jumping back into the normal crap sent me in a downward spiral.

And then I looked back over the last year or so.  And I began to see a pattern. Our family NAILS vacation time.  We go with the flow, laugh, relax, do spontaneous stuff, snuggle a lot, and just plain enjoy each others company.  We ROCK at vacations.

However, at home, it is NOT the same.  At all. And I can’t blame them, either.  I realized that I am a major part of this problem.  Yikes. Sometimes self reflection really sucks.

You see…one of the reasons I fell in love with my husband is his wicked smart humor.  He is VERY funny…and VERY clever about it. He can drop the BEST one-liners that will leave you laughing so hard you cry.  

The things he does that make me laugh so hard on vacation irritate the living crap out of me at home.  

My daughter is a hoot.  She LOVES to learn and is interested in EVERYTHING! It is an AWESOME quality…..on vacation.  She asks endless questions about things…and on vacation, I have the patience of Job. I delight in her desire to learn.

At home, IT DRIVES ME FRIGGIN’ NUTS!!!  I find myself irritated at the non-stop questions and just want her to STOP TALKING ALREADY!  Yup…I say those exact words to myself at least 5 times a day.

So, this led me to think even more (can you tell I didn’t get a lot of sleep the other night?).  Why is it that the EXACT same stuff that I treasure and love about my family on vacation are the VERY things that frustrate and irritate the crap out of me at home.  THEY aren’t acting any different….so clearly….it is me.

And then it hit me.   On vacation, I don’t have to do all the things.  On vacation, I am not looking at my to-do list, my watch, trying to manipulate my day and figure out how to fit it all in.  On vacation, I take the extra few minutes to sip my coffee and think. On vacation, I don’t wake up with the “it’s go time!” mentality.  On vacation, I am a much nicer person. That is just the bottom line. Ouch.

At home, I maximize the most of every single day.  Running 2 businesses, being a mom, wife, volunteer…blah blah blah…the list goes on.  Coordinating that and making it all happen takes a LOT of work. And I am good worker.  I get shit done.

In the shower in the morning, my wheels are turning.  While I make breakfast and pack lunches I am mentally reviewing my day and ensuring my task list is complete.  As soon as I get home from school drop off, I make that second cup of coffee and GET TO WORK! Checking off items on my list makes me feel good.

I realized that while on vacation, I have a LOT of time to let my mind wander…to let my creative energy flourish and process.  I allow myself to be present..to be really THERE in whatever we are doing. At home, I have not allowed for any of that time. I go from one thing to next..hustle hustle hustle.  No time to stop and smell and roses. No time to just BE. I have to move from one thing to the next…get that task list done and keep going. If an extra 45 seconds pop up, I find a way to squeeze in one more thing.

No more.  I cannot continue to live this way.  I need to find a way to bring that same freedom I feel on vacation into my every day life….while still doing all the things.

So, here are 10 things I have realized I can start doing RIGHT NOW to bring some vacation into my every day life.  Yes I still have to do the things…I can’t just sit pool side all day every day. But, I can certainly create pockets of vacation time into my every day.

  1. I will NOT sit down at my desk for the work day without FIRST spending 15 minutes in my favorite chair either meditating, journaling, or reading.  Period. I will get myself in alignment BEFORE I take action on my day. This means I will no longer accept meetings before 9am.

  2. When I start to feel annoyed or irritated at my loved ones….I will stop and count to 3 before responding.  I will ask myself what I am REALLY annoyed at. Is it really them…or perhaps I am just spread too thin and not allowing myself to enjoy the moment?

  3. I will ask for help.  A lot. I will STOP playing the martyr and I will stop thinking everything has to be done MY way (except for making the bed…my husband really makes a lousy bed and that just matters to me).  I will stop waiting for someone to ask if I need help and start asking for it in the moment.

  4. I will prioritize my to-do list and move stuff off that really does not HAVE to get done that day…in that exact moment.

  5. I will not allow my daily calendar to be 100% full.  I will reserve pockets of time with NO meetings, calls, etc.

  6. I will stop working every day in car pool line.  Just because I have an extra 10 minutes does not mean I have to be productive.  I will allow myself to close my eyes, breathe, and process.

  7. I will make a coffee or lunch date with a friend at least every other week.  These make me VERY happy….and I hardly ever do it.

  8. I will take a bubble bath every week.  WHY did I stop doing this? I used to take them at least 2 – 3 times a week.  They make me happy.

  9. I will not pick up my phone every time I hear a text message coming in.  

  10. I will snuggle with my husband more.  HE is a REALLY good snuggler.

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