When we think about retirement, most of the conversation centers around finances. But what if that’s only part of the story? In this episode, I’m joined by the incredible Monique Rhodes to talk about the part of retirement planning no one’s really talking about...the emotional and mental transition.

Monique shares why so many women hit retirement age and find themselves feeling lost, disconnected, or even invisible, despite doing everything they were “supposed” to. Together, we unpack the loss of structure, identity, and purpose that can come when careers end and roles shift and how to intentionally plan for what comes next.

Whether retirement is around the corner or years away, this conversation is filled with perspective-shifting insight and gentle encouragement to start thinking about the whole picture—your time, your joy, your relationships, and your purpose.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• Why financial planning isn’t enough to feel fulfilled in retirement
• The identity shift that can leave women feeling untethered
• The emotional toll of losing everyday social connections
• How to start building a meaningful post-retirement life before you get there

Connect with Monique:

• www.facebook.com/moniquerhodesofficial
• www.instagram.com/moniquerhodesofficial
• Free Training on How to Design a Retirement Rich in Purpose, Connection & Happiness: theretirementroadmapacademy.com/workshop

Listen to the episode here!

Or watch the episode here!

I’d be honored and grateful if you would head over to iTunes to leave a review and let other female entrepreneurs know what you learned! While you’re there, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss an episode.

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] When you think about retirement or you listen to people talking about retirement, all anyone tends to talk about is preparing financially. And there's certainly validity in that. But man, it is so much more, and I've been seeing this time and time again with women going through the top program who are, you know, in that space where maybe they're going into empty nester road or retirement, and they're finally at the, the, the destination they thought they'd been waiting for and they arrive and they're like.

[00:00:26] Well, now what? Well, this is exactly why I have Monique Rhodes here today. I cannot wait for you to meet her because she actually teaches and coaches how to manage this transition from a mental health emotional place, not financially. And if you're asking my opinion, I think that is far more important.

[00:00:50] Megan: Hey everyone. Welcome back to Work Life Harmony. I have been counting down, I don't know the weeks ahead for bringing this amazing guest to you all here today. It is my absolute privilege to have Monique Rhodes here and to introduce her to you all, and I'm gonna let her kind of give you her backstory.

[00:01:13] In a couple minutes, but Monique and I met actually in a business program. We both are run our own businesses using the same software platform, and I think it was this instant, the moment we had our first exchange, we were like, yes, I need more of you in my life. So we have dubbed each other, our, our work wives, we talk on the regular.

[00:01:34] And I am thrilled to have Monique here for a number of reasons. I have seen, incredible increase of women going through my top program who are approaching either empty nester or retirement stage and are finding themselves in an interesting position where they're going, okay, for the last 25, 30 years, I just have been saying soon as I get here, then all those things I've been putting on the back burner, I'm gonna have time to do them.

[00:02:02] And now they're arriving at that place where their calendar is wide open. They're feeling stuck and they're like, I'm finally here. And I don't, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get started. And Monique, this is what I knew I needed to bring you onto the show because you've been doing incredible work specifically for folks entering into this retirement stage of life along with everything else that you do.

[00:02:26] So, welcome, and I would love if you wanna kick things off, telling people a little bit about yourself, and then I can't wait to dive into this conversation.

[00:02:34] Monique: I'm so overjoyed to be here anytime with Megan, I've gotta say, is just so amazing and, for me, I'm, I'm just gonna give the very brief, the very brief version is, you know, just grow up with a very traumatic childhood like a lot of people have, and realize that I needed to try and figure out for myself how can I, is it possible to shift this, you know, this depression, this anxiety, this stress that I was feeling as a young teenager And I literally went on a mission.

[00:03:06] To see could I shift my own happiness levels? And to say that when I started Megan, they were, you know, things were very, very bad and I didn't know whether I could even keep going. And now I kind of, I was saying to someone last night at dinner, I said, I think that if I wasn't me, I would be jealous of myself.

[00:03:26] That's

[00:03:26] Megan: I'm a little jealous of you.

[00:03:28] Monique: but that's how amazing life is. And I've done it through spending decades of experimenting. With how can I optimize my happiness and really learning how to, how to do that and work with it and, and now I teach people how to do that. But one of the things that comes up a lot for me, you know, I have programs in 70 colleges and universities around the world have done a lot of work with Fortune 500

[00:03:55] Megan: Okay. We need to pause on that. Repeat that. How many universities have your programs right

[00:04:01] Monique: There's 70 colleges and universities that have my, I have a meditation program it's called The 10 Minute Mind. And it's designed to help people who think, gosh, this is hard. I make learning how to meditate really easy 'cause it's such an important skill. So for me, one of the things that I've come across, Megan, and you and I have talked about it, is I've got a lot of people that come to me and they're at a very particular time in their life.

[00:04:28] They've worked really hard, they've brought up kids. All of a sudden, retirement's looming or they've just gone into it and what they think is going to be absolutely amazing has started to fall apart. And they come to me and we, if it is, this has happened so organically over the seven years that I've been really teaching people in retirement, and I love working with people at this stage.

[00:04:55] And one of my students a year ago said to me. You've got to make a program so it's more accessible to people on a larger scale 'cause they just don't have the time to do it. And so that's what I've done and I, I'm, I'm really passionate about this, this time. Why we get to this place and how you can.

[00:05:14] Actually make your retirement phenomenal because I don't know about your parents, Megan, but I saw my father you know, retire and then just sit and spend his time scrolling online and it's like, dad, what are you doing?

[00:05:29] Megan: Yeah, no, I, I, on the other hand have parents who are, I'm like, they are living there. Best lives retirement like that, that's what I want. My mom travels and does all the things she loves. My dad is an avid outdoorsman. I never know what state he's in, if he's fishing, if he's hunting, if he's hiking, and they're in their eighties.

[00:05:47] So I'm like, okay. They've, they've been a good role model for me for that. And I think, you know. Inside the top program, my hope is to catch women before they get to this stage so that they are used to prioritizing themselves, finding joy, all of that, so that it will be a smoother transition. But what would you say how would you describe the, the folks that are finding you as they're entering retirement, what is the kind of common theme that you're seeing there?

[00:06:13] Is it depression? Is it, you know, unclear of what they wanna do? Where, where are they?

[00:06:18] Monique: Yeah, it, it's such a great question. You know, the thing is, is that when you look at retirement experts, you know, everybody's telling you that retirement's gonna feel amazing. I think one of the most important things that I tell people when they come to me, because the biggest thing that I see when they get to me is it can also feel really disorienting, you know?

[00:06:43] It gives you freedom. Yes. Oh my God, I'm not gonna have to get up at this time and I don't have to go to work and all that. But it also strips away your structure and it strips away your status and it strips away your sense of contribution. I. And so one of the biggest things is this idea of identity, because basically what you do when you retire is that you retire from a version of yourself that everybody in the world is known, and now you're being asked to reintroduce yourself to yourself, and that can be really terrifying.

[00:07:26] Megan: Yeah, and I even think about, you know, you and I have talked about this a lot too, and I bring it up on the podcast this, this fundamental problem for so many people, women in particular, and men, is that your worth is tied to external perceptions of your productivity, right? The more you produce, the more worthy you are.

[00:07:46] So now here you are in retirement and you've taken away all the things that are externally productive. Looking, I hadn't even thought about, thought about it under that lens, but yeah, I could see that feeling like all value is kind of out the door if you're not doing what you've been doing for the last several decades.

[00:08:04] Monique: and, and what the statistics show us is that over 60% of retirees in their first, within the first year. Reporting a decline in life satisfaction. Oh, that's so painful

[00:08:17] Megan: is completely opposite of what you thought was gonna happen,

[00:08:19] Monique: Exactly. The other thing that's really big to know, and one of the biggest issues that I deal with in my work is that one in three say they feel lonely or isolated within six months.

[00:08:33] Megan: Hmm.

[00:08:33] Monique: This, this is a big problem. And many also experience something that psychologists call retirement depression. and often people don't even realize it because the external world is telling them they should be so happy, but inside they're not feeling very happy. Because the problem is, is that we are not taught, we're taught how to do all the financial side, but we are

[00:08:56] Megan: That's all anyone talks about with retirement is how you prepare financially,

[00:09:00] Monique: We're not taught to do the emotional side at all.

[00:09:03] Megan: Interesting. So where do you start people, if they're coming to you in this place, what are kind of some of the init? I know you can't teach an entire program here on the podcast, but what are some initial steps that people can start to take?

[00:09:17] Monique: yeah, I mean, I'm all about awareness and my work and there's, there's kind of three areas that we've gotta be aware of, or three mistakes that we make. The first mistake that we make going into retirement is that we believe that financial security equals emotional fulfillment, and it doesn't.

[00:09:35] Those two things are completely separate. The second thing that people make the mistake in is that they believe that purpose is just going to appear. I'll find purpose once I've had time. Which is where all your planning comes in. And the third mistake, that's the biggest one that I see, is that people underestimate the loss of emotional and social structure.

[00:09:58] they don't realize that every day I go to work and I may go for a coffee at the coffee shop on the way to my office, and that is a piece of my social structure. And then I get to work and there are people there that, I have this belief that when I finish work, we are still gonna stay friends, but.

[00:10:19] You don't, because it's all about the glue. And when the glue's not there, people disappear and dissolve and drift, and that can be really, really, really painful. And then of course there's an emotional loss of who am I? You know? And these are the things that PE, that really catch. People off guard. We've got to get our heads around thinking that money alone is gonna create fulfillment in retirement.

[00:10:44] We've gotta get our head around the fact that if we wait for purpose to arrive instead of building it, it's not gonna happen. And we cannot overlook the loss of connection and the emotional rhythm that comes from, Hey, I know what I'm gonna do today, and even though it might be, I might come home and I'm exhausted.

[00:11:03] I still know what I'm gonna do, and I'm not gonna walk into this massive void 40 hours a week where I'm like, what on earth is going on?

[00:11:12] Megan: Okay. Yeah. Interesting. I'm even thinking back to, it was a long, long time ago, but long before Covid when I started working from home, it was uh, gosh, it would've been in the like early two thousands. And that transition from being in an office all day, five days, sometimes six days a week for years to suddenly a home office. I'm thinking back on that now. I'm like, yeah, I remember after a couple months I'm like, I don't know if this is for me. And I couldn't figure it out until finally I realized, I'm like, it's l it was lonely. I was so excited at first, you know, first week it was euphoric. I'm like, this is the best. And then all of a sudden it's like, yeah, there was.

[00:11:50] Literally no connection. And this was before the days of Zoom and you know, there was no video conferencing and all of that in those early days. But I hadn't even remembered that till you just brought that up. But I definitely hit about, of just that social connection void starting to work from home and, you know, had to find interesting ways to, to bring that back, back into my life instead of being isolated seven days a week inside my house.

[00:12:16] Monique: Absolutely. And one of the things I think is that we don't, we don't realize micro connections, which I call them micro connections are happening. You know, when we're in a rhythm, you know, connection and building, you know, relationships is all about consistency. You know, one of the reasons you and I have become such great friends is we're.

[00:12:38] We're really solid and consistent with each other. and that's a really big thing if I'm going to work. I might go in to the carpark and uh, there might be a, a, a man or a woman there that I would never have a relationship in my usual world or usual life, but there they are and I ask after their kids, and every day I go in and there's these little micro social connections.

[00:13:03] You know, we always think of our connections as being big things, but all of those little micro connections, even if you go to the supermarket and you see someone regularly there. These are all the pieces that make up this kind of mosaic of who you are and your life and you being seen. Ah, I'm seen the guy at the checkout, he sees me, he knows me, might even know my name.

[00:13:29] And all of a sudden, when you are not in the world being seen, a deep fear of invisibility can kick in. And then all of a sudden you start to realize, people ask me what I do and I don't have anything good to say. And, and suddenly more and more and more I'm becoming invisible, and that is painful.

[00:13:50] Megan: Oh, fascinating. So you've definitely got my wheels. Going as I, you know, I'm not retiring tomorrow, but you've got me thinking about, okay, what do I need to be very aware of now so I'm not there If, what would be kind of two-parter here? Is there one tip you would give to people who aren't in retirement yet to help that transition looming ahead of them?

[00:14:15] And then second, if someone's already there and in that space you're talking about, what's a good first step for them to

[00:14:21] Monique: Yeah, great. So I think that if you're not retired yet and you're thinking about retirement, one of the most vital questions that you need to come to, and it's almost like a. Rite of passage like, like you need to figure out who you are without your job. And that's a big thing to get your head around. But it's a very, very important one because for most people, particularly women, right, they, they hit this retirement age around.

[00:14:55] A similar time when usually their kids are grown up and their kids are leaving home, and so all of a sudden these two very big roles that have been vital are being dismantled. I'm a mother. Oh wait, my kids are leaving. Like, what does that mean for

[00:15:11] Megan: Yeah, I was gonna bring that up. Even for people that are full-time, you've, your career has been raising children, which is the hardest job out there. I, I equate retirement to the kids are now all out of the house and I see it with women. They're like, I don't even know who I am anymore if I'm not mom all day.

[00:15:26] Monique: So for women, there's two. There's two identities that get lost. The identity of full-time mother and caregiver, and the identity of. I'm no longer a nurse or a lawyer, or whatever it is that your job is. So really doing work on redefining your identity and figuring out what is my purpose going to be for this next phase of my life so that when someone asks me, what do I do?

[00:15:57] I know when I wake up in the morning, when I ask myself, who am I and what am I doing? Then I, I know those answers to those questions. So when I work with someone, getting them prepared for that transition from this identity to this one, if I can create that bridge in advance, it's an absolute game changer because it, it, it really eases that out so that's for someone who's not yet retired or if you have retired and you've not done that piece, it's absolutely vital. And for someone who has retired and is struggling, you know, if we look at, because I, I teach people how to be happier. If we look at anxiety and depression, particularly depression, one of the first things I will do when someone comes to me and they're suffering from depression is look at their social and emotional connections.

[00:16:52] This is vital. We weren't meant to go through life alone. Alright? This is a really important thing for us to understand. We are social creatures. Even if we are introverts, we still are. So one of the biggest things that we have to address when someone goes into retirement is the whole idea of. Your emotional and social connections are going to dissolve on a massive level.

[00:17:18] So we have to have a plan. We have to make a plan for how do I help you to rebuild a social structure so that you go through this next stage of your life, not alone because. When, when we are in community, as you, as you know, as you've created community for your, for your clients, when we're in community, we, we do so much better when we're with like-minded people are in community, but we can often have a fear of.

[00:17:48] These people have been my friends all the time that I've been at work. They'll stay my friends, but when they leave or they don't stay, or I'm not able to hold that together, there can be a massive fear of, it's not easy to build friendships when I'm older, and I am going to say it's not true. But again, we have to have a plan.

[00:18:10] We have to plan to do it. So that's a really important piece.

[00:18:14] Megan: I love both of those and I'm, I'm even thinking back in each one of those examples, like. I remember so clearly where I hit both of those and I've, I've shared on the podcast, you know, kind of what kickstarted this whole journey in my business for me was when my daughter was like two and a half.

[00:18:32] And I had that day at the park where the woman just asked me, what do you do for fun? And that was my wake up call that I didn't have an identity anymore. Megan was gone. I was an employee, I was a wife, I was a mom. That, and I was in service. My entire day was filled up being in service to others, and so thankfully I've been doing so much work over the last decade on making sure Megan shows up for herself and there's time on my calendar every day for me.

[00:19:02] And my family even, you know, I had a long conversation with my daughter when she was younger on the fact I, I am mom to her. My husband calls me Megs, I'm Megs to him. But before any of those, I was just Megan. So I'm like, I gotta have space in my life for Megan, for mom, and for Megs. So I feel like that part, as I head into retirement, is gonna be easier for me 'cause I've been so focused on. identity, my purpose. But it was interesting. I hit a, a real rough patch not too long ago on that, that community part. You know, we, we were in a wonderful elementary school and I had a great community of, of the moms there that were, you know, we were together for six years or some of us, seven or eight years as preschool and all of that, and then elementary school ends and everyone goes to different.

[00:19:51] Middle schools and high schools and all of that. And we went a different direction than, than the whole community in terms of the school we went to. And it was like I was cut off. And I see, you know, on social media gatherings of that same group, and I'm, I'm not, I'm not in it anymore. And it really was a wake up call for me of.

[00:20:13] Yeah, those, those communities come and go. I thought, well these, this will be my people forever. You know, just like a work family or whatever. And it's put a lot of awareness in me thinking about what will that look like later in life when I'm truly retired. 'cause now my work is my community. You know, I have all these wonderful women just as you do in your programs.

[00:20:34] But I think even just having that awareness is. Is gonna be really helpful as we all continue to get older and, and work towards that, that stage of life.

[00:20:43] Monique: Without a doubt. And, and also, you know, to, to think about it now, you know. Like to not wait till you're in your sixties or seventies to to think about it, but to think, you know, like, as you know, a few years ago I moved to my dream, to my dream environment. I live on the beach in Costa Rica and I. At this point in my life, I'm thinking, this is the first time I've had a home.

[00:21:12] This is the first time I've had a place I wanted to stay, and I want to live out the rest of my life here. I could not imagine anything better than how I live, but it's also when I have my friends and my life. In my mind, I'm thinking about these are the friends that I want in my physical world here that are going to be my community as I age and are gonna be, you know, and we will help each other.

[00:21:40] And it and it, I think it's a very important thing for us to think about. It's one of the reasons why I moved to a small town. Was because I understood that as I got older, this community would be so important. And, and in, in my life. I have multiple communities within my community. Some are people that I do personal development with.

[00:22:02] Some are people I play tennis with. Some are people that I go boogie boarding with, and it's really, really powerful to. Have a broad, you know, when we're taught to eat a wide variety of food, I think that we should also have a wide variety of friends with different ideas and thoughts and political views and the way that they see the world we have should have a good mixture.

[00:22:26] Because if you were stuck on a desert island, you don't want someone who's the same as you because you already have that

[00:22:32] Megan: Oh my God. I drive myself

[00:22:34] Monique: Right. So you wanna have people who, who will compliment you and you know, and also, you know, be positive and hopefully emotionally intellectual. But I think thinking about it now as we get over that age of 50, I think is a, is a smart move.

[00:22:53] And to also within that age group, before we get to retirement. Learn how to build new, new community and not fool yourself that you don't know how to do this. 

[00:23:06] Megan: Definitely a cultural thing as well. We were just on a family vacation in the Dominican Republic and I was became good friends with one of the women there at the resort that was working there, and she must have asked me at least a dozen times. So it's really just the three of you that lived together.

[00:23:24] Like it completely blew her mind that we only had one child. And the three of us lived alone without other extended family. Like she just, and then she'd bring her friend over. Okay. She doesn't believe me. And I said that this is your only baby and that it's just you because she's sharing, she lives still, you know, her parents and her grandparents and her cousins.

[00:23:45] And so I think for a lot of people, especially in the states, it's, you know, we, we can get really, really isolated. Whereas other cultures, I think, intrinsically know this and, and build in villages and communities from the get go that we just don't have here.

[00:24:02] Monique: Absolutely. And again, this is where when we think about it with retirement, you know, we have to understand that retirement is. So much more than free time. It's a chapter in your life that you need to design. You

[00:24:16] Megan: Mm

[00:24:16] Monique: design it, you need to, to re, you know, think of all of the, the time and energy and probably conversations that you've had with your husband about your retirement financially, how you're gonna do it.

[00:24:28] You plan for it for years and years and years. Nobody is planning the emotional side. And actually the emotional side is the biggest side. So we, we have to come to this with some idea of planning and design. And if we do. It's a whole different ball game.

[00:24:45] Megan: You see now that's my love language right there. I get to plan for something. So that gets me really excited. Now I know that you have an amazing. Of course, if you will program for this would it be okay with you if we share a link to that in our

[00:25:00] Monique: Would love you

[00:25:01] Megan: people can go in and check that out?

[00:25:03] I know you've given me a lot to think about today, and I think this is important conversation for, for anyone to have it. My guess is it's never too early. To start thinking about that and understanding those three really, really important roles as we approach retirement. So I just, I can't thank you enough for being here.

[00:25:24] It is such a pleasure to be able to have this conversation with you, and I think that the work that you are doing is vital for us to live out what's supposed to be our golden years in a way that. Everything. We dreamed that it would be right instead of arriving there and going, well, this is not what I expected.

[00:25:45] Monique: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Megan, thank you for having me, and thank you for bringing me into your powerful and beautiful community of women. I really

[00:25:54] Megan: Of course. And where is the best place, where are you most active out on out on the socials, which I know you have avoided consuming at least, but where's the best place for people to connect with you

[00:26:04] Monique: Instagram, Facebook. You can find me on both of those.

[00:26:07] Megan: Okay, great. And it's just at Monique Rhodes, correct?

[00:26:10] Monique: I think it's Monique. I think you'll just find, just Google. You'll find

[00:26:13] Megan: Yeah. We'll Google and we'll put it in the show notes so you'll be able to find her. And I mean, just listen for the beautiful accent. This is, this is secretly why I hang out with you. You know that.

[00:26:21] Monique: I love it.

[00:26:23] Megan: All right. Thanks so much, Monique.